Enough already Alia

I thought I had won the war against law school when I got that fancy piece of paper. I was wrong. Prepping for the bar exam has got to be the most boring thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I don’t think I realized how terrible this was until I graduated. I wasn’t focused on it. I was focused on making sure my name was on that graduation list and not falling on my ass when I got hooded. I managed not to wipe out thankfully. But now the weather is nice, my friends are going to the beach and to ball games and I am sitting in a windowless room in a basement in the Loop watching pre-recorded lectures. I can think of SO many better ways to spend my afternoons but alas, I cannot. I must be prepared, lest I fail. That would be really embarrassing. So, I study. I am even making flashcards. My final summer living as a non-adult is officially ruined by bar prep. Booo. Maybe I should’ve just gone to B school.

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While I am still very confused about a career or what I want to do with myself, one thing has become abundantly clear after three years of law school. I hate studying; and not just a little bit. It pains me to do it. I will clean the dust from my ceiling fans before I study. I’ve been known to spend hours at the gym instead of studying. One of my favorite delay tactics is the all day film festival. For those of you preparing for finals, I’ve listed a few of my favorite themed film festivals. Netflix, cable television, and the internet have made it wonderfully easy for everyone to enjoy a day of fine movie watching.

A Day with Charlton Heston: We know it’s his God given right to carry a gun. He does it exceptionally well in so many roles.

• Touch of Evil: Orson Welles directs Chuck as a Mexican police officer newly married to Janet Leigh. Actually one of my favorite movies.
• Ben Hur: Chuck likes the Biblical roles and in this one he plays a wealthy Jew who is enslaved then freed. Along the way he meets Pontius Pilot and Jesus.
• The Ten Commandments: He’s Moses.
• Soylent Green: Spoiler Alert! Soylent Green is people!!!
• The Omega Man: Before Will Smith, but after Vincent Price, Chuck portrays Dr. Robert Neville trying to stay alive as the last man on Earth.
• The Planet of the Apes: Maybe his greatest role of all time

Screwball Comedy Day: If you just want to laugh and don’t mind black and white, this is the way to go. Many of these films have modern versions that aren’t nearly as clever or fun to watch. Another plus is that most of these movies only run about 90 minutes so if you really want to get back to studying or whatever after one, it’s not that much of a time suck.

• His Girl Friday (1940): Scheming newspaper publisher (Cary Grant) is confronted by his ex-wife (Rosalind Russell) and her fiancé.
• It Happened One Night (1934): Classic story of boy (Clark Gable) meets girl (Claudette Colbert), boy and girl hate each other, boy and girl are stuck together, and finally boy and girl fall in love.
• The Philadelphia Story (1940): The night before Tracy Lord’s (Katharine Hepburn) wedding, her ex-husband (Cary Grant) and a sneaky reporter (James Stewart) show up and turn things upside down.
• Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (1936): Small town Mr. Deeds (Gary Cooper) inherits $20 million from a long lost relative and everyone around him is trying to get a piece of it.
• Sullivan’s Travels (1942): A director (Joel McCrea) disguises himself as a hobo to see what the real world is like.
• My Man Godfrey (1936): A socialite (Carole Lombard) takes in a homeless man (William Powell) after finding him on a drunken scavenger hunt.

Ray Harryhausen, a Retrospective: If you love classical mythology or just love stop-motion animation, Harryhausen is your guy. He is most certainly a special effects pioneer who recreated dinosaurs and walking skeletons without CGI! His films require no description. Just watch and learn.

• Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger (1977)
• It Came from Beneath the Sea (1955)
• One Million Years B.C. (1966)
• Clash of the Titans (1981): Release the Cracken!!!
• Jason and the Argonauts (1963): This one is my favorite.

Well folks, if you want to take a break, this is as good as anything. If you have any film suggestions, please add them. I will post more film festivals as I formulate them. I never get tired of watching things.

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While some may believe that Mel Gibson is a little bit anti Semitic or maybe kind of a drunk, most can agree that he has been in some kick ass movies. Now, I realize that What Women Want wasn’t too action packed. However, we cannot forget Braveheart, his brooding Hamlet, or the Lethal Weapon series. His best role of all time is Max from the Australian post- apocalyptic series. Today, while taking a “break” from studying, I decided to revisit the second film in the series, Road Warrior. Mel is pretty fabulous, and here’s why:

• His sidekick is a dog
• Has a badass leather outfit
• Blond streaks in his hair (a look that should have never fallen out of fashion)
• One incredible driver
• Faster than a snake!
• He drives a really cool, tricked out V8 Interceptor
• Will rescue folks (sometimes)
• Never loses his cool even when taken prisoner by the rogue band of ABBA rejects
• Isn’t down with the Humungus ruling the Wasteland
• Has a thing for feral children
• Has mad negotiating skills (do you think he took the seminar?)
• Is a damn good mechanic
• Ladies love him
• Always fulfills his contractual obligations
• Still very sensitive about the loss of his family
• Takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’
• Appears unusually healthy for someone who sustains himself on a diet of dog food

Now Max isn’t the only great thing in Road Warrior. There are incredible costumes (chaps, nuff said), a wonderfully terrific soundtrack, crossbow deaths, people on fire, car chases, and giant explosions. What more does one need to truly enjoy a Saturday evening in front of the television? I say nothing. So, if you haven’t already seen this cinematic masterpiece, I advise you stop outlining and watch Road Warrior this instant!

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Graduation is quickly approaching. I’ve turned in all my papers and now all I have left are two finals. I should be elated. After three years of that special brand of torture that one can only experience in law school, I’m done. I survived. However, as I sat in my last law school class ever, I felt sad. All year, I made sure I only had class three days per week. I avoided coming to campus whenever I could. I was done! But now that I truly am done, I just don’t want to be. Finishing law school means I am finished with school. I am not prepared to be finished. I don’t want a real job. I don’t want to have to be a grown up. But I just cannot figure out how to drag out my education any longer. I am also unclear as to what I want to do with this very expensive piece of paper. I suppose I could work at a law firm like most of my classmates, but I found that working insane hours all of the time just isn’t for me. Don’t get me wrong, I really do love the law and want to use the little knowledge I have to do something. I just cannot figure out what something is right for me. Anyone have ideas?

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Sorry folks. I have law school to finish. I have a whole list of stuff to post about but in the interest of graduating on time, I haven’t been writing (at least not here). I promise to have SOMETHING Alia worthy by the end of the week. Kisses!

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Well, my grandmother died last week. I thought I would take a moment to write my own mini biography of her. She lived in a small town in Indiana until, at 13, she joined the Harry Blackstone touring magic show. She worked as a magician’s assistant on the tour until she was sent home at the Canadian border. Apparently, the authorities didn’t like the idea of child leaving the country without a guardian. Oh well. She went home. This next stint in small town American lasted around two years. At 15, she made her way to Chicago; alone again. She lived on the street for several months until my grandfather found her. She worked as a hand and foot model for many years but also had many other very interesting jobs. These include but may not be limited to, dancer, stunt/body double, freelance writer, adjunct professor, antique dealer, fortune teller, and United States Marine. She lived in Chicago until the early 1970’s and then decided to move back to Indiana to a town of 2000 people. Everybody knows everybody there and everybody most certainly knew her. After the news got out that she died, I received several messages from my Indiana friends offering their condolences. Here are some of the things my friends had to say about her.

• “We always thought she was a witch”
• “She was the meanest lady in town”
• “She was bat-shit crazy”
• “I remember one time she chased us around in her car because she thought we egged her house”
• “She sure cussed a lot”

These words were usually followed by something like:

• “She always had the coolest cars”
• “She was the most interesting person in town.”
• “After I grew up, she was really great to talk to.”

And then, I heard the same thing over and over again; she was the most exciting thing to talk about in town. She knew that and loved it. Sometimes she would tell me the latest stories going around town about her and laugh. Henry stories weren’t limited to Indiana. My friends who met her all had their own stories of their own. She loved being the center of attention and thrived on the fact that even in her old age, she still had it. There are 38 mirrors hanging on the walls in her house. This does not include all of the random hand mirrors that were lying on various dressers. She was a very beautiful woman and knew it. All of her idiosyncrasies made her one of the most unique individuals I will probably ever meet. One of my friends told me that he didn’t think that anyone would ever be able to overshadow the living legend that was my grandmother. I think he’s right.

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Last evening I had the opportunity to watch the new feature film, X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Now, as many of you know, I have extensive comic knowledge, especially for a girl but still, I was pleasantly surprised at what was done with the storyline. In any event, I would just like to list, in no particular order, the things that make me love Logan, A.K.A. Wolverine. Don’t worry. There are NO spoilers!

• As sarcastic as they come
• Loves a good stogie from time to time
• Likes his whiskey
• Looks great in leather
• Knows how to take a punch
• Can most certainly KICK SOME ASS!!!
• Grows fantastic facial hair
• Is totally effing ripped
• Adamantium skeleton!
• Claws are multi-purpose (and they can make sparks!)

So, if you have nothing going this weekend, I would recommend you go see X-Men Origins. You know what, even if you have something going on, still go see this. Guys, it’s totally fun to watch and ladies, well, lots of half dressed men with fantastic abs, pecs, triceps… well, you get the idea. J

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I am not a nice person. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be mean spirited, I just am. I would like to be able to say that I don’t go out of my way to be mean but I just don’t know if that would be completely honest. For most people, a really successful joke is one that when delivered makes the audience laugh. For me, a truly successful joke is one that makes me laugh. I really don’t care if anyone else finds it funny. In fact, I think a joke is super hilarious, high art when it makes my audience uncomfortable. I’ve listed below (in no particular order) some of the common “Alia” jokes or just things I find highly amusing. These are things that many of you have witnessed me do.

• I love when there’s an empty Einstein’s box sitting on a table in the Green Lounge. Starving law students approach it and they look so eager and excited at the prospect of free food. But, alas, the box is empty! I see the glee turn to disappointment. I always find myself laughing at them.
• I’m a terrible singer. Sometimes I’ll go to karaoke and sing. I then like to approach someone who doesn’t know me and ask them in my most eager voice, “how was I? I’ve been practicing.” People become very uncomfortable. This has taught me a valuable lesson however. The lesson is that most people will not give you their honest opinion when asked for it.
• Res ipsa. Nuff said.
• Sometimes, if the conversation seems to be getting dull, I try to figure out a way to work in “when I had THE CANCER.” Wow, this one really gets to people. They immediately become apologetic, asking me if I’m okay. Then, I think they feel a little bit guilty for being put off by me and my lack of self control. It’s glorious.
• I also just generally lack any internal censor. This one always keeps things lively. I’ve also found that most people have no idea when I’m being serious or when I’m joking. I’ll let you in a little secret. Very rarely do I lie. If you’re hearing an “Alia Story,” it’s all true. That being said, most people don’t know if they should laugh, be angry, or sympathize with me. This tends to cause confusion, discomfort, and awkward silences. I love it.

I never pull punches. I’ve given it a try here and there, but it makes me feel all icky inside. I know that many find this behavior not socially acceptable but I seem to do just fine. I laugh when people trip. I tease my children. In fact, I’ve been known to go to school assemblies and laugh at other people’s children. Now, I have encountered some folks who are equally mean spirited and they seem to be very sensitive. This is where I think I win. I laugh at myself when I fall down. When I get called out on a fashion faux pas, I own it. I actually appreciate criticism. I welcome it. This doesn’t mean I’ll change. I kind of like the way I am. I do wonder sometimes about my outbursts. I wonder if I developed this sense of humor because I lack any censor or if I don’t censor because of the sense of humor. Interesting question, at least to me anyway and that’s all that really matters, right?

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Well, yesterday on my train ride to school I saw something up close and in person that I had never seen before; two people carrying on a conversation in a language that had clicks.  You know, it was one of those African languages that kind of sounds like Klingon but totally isn’t.  Well, I sat and listened.  It was pretty cool to hear.  I think everyone on that car was listening to the click talkers.

The train was pretty crowded with a variety of different people from clearly different cultural backgrounds.  Now, I hate to stereotype (not really), but people follow predictable patterns.  The white folks on the train tried their hardest not to stare or act as if they even noticed the click click talk.  That’s what they do best.  They don’t want anyone to think they’re judgmental or, God forbid, racist!

But, black folks, my people, why oh why must you clown?  Sadly, the black folks on my car took this opportunity to laugh, point and mimic the click talk.  It was… well, it was something.  The click talkers looked slightly annoyed but chose to ignore the mockery and continue their conversation.  They got off the train at Sox 35th.  Maybe they were going to IIT; who knows.

I guess I was kind of sad.  No one really wants to be stereotyped, I thought.  But to behave in such a ridiculous manner in mixed company lends itself to judgment.  I mentioned this incident to someone and this person said that maybe those people on the train weren’t the ones who cared about stereotypes.  While that may be true, what about the people who do?

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I had to do it.  I made a trip to a Tokyo McDonalds.  I believed that the highlight of this visit would be my Ebi Filet-O (oddly tasty fried shrimp sandwich) but alas, it was not.  I loved that there were so many sleeping.  At first, I believed them to be mostly homeless.  However, I heard that any 24 hour restaurant is the place to go if you miss the last train home.  We should institute this policy in Chicago.  I’d love to nod with the wafting smell of those delicious fries.

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