Enough already Alia

Last evening I had the opportunity to watch the new feature film, X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Now, as many of you know, I have extensive comic knowledge, especially for a girl but still, I was pleasantly surprised at what was done with the storyline. In any event, I would just like to list, in no particular order, the things that make me love Logan, A.K.A. Wolverine. Don’t worry. There are NO spoilers!

• As sarcastic as they come
• Loves a good stogie from time to time
• Likes his whiskey
• Looks great in leather
• Knows how to take a punch
• Can most certainly KICK SOME ASS!!!
• Grows fantastic facial hair
• Is totally effing ripped
• Adamantium skeleton!
• Claws are multi-purpose (and they can make sparks!)

So, if you have nothing going this weekend, I would recommend you go see X-Men Origins. You know what, even if you have something going on, still go see this. Guys, it’s totally fun to watch and ladies, well, lots of half dressed men with fantastic abs, pecs, triceps… well, you get the idea. J

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I am not a nice person. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be mean spirited, I just am. I would like to be able to say that I don’t go out of my way to be mean but I just don’t know if that would be completely honest. For most people, a really successful joke is one that when delivered makes the audience laugh. For me, a truly successful joke is one that makes me laugh. I really don’t care if anyone else finds it funny. In fact, I think a joke is super hilarious, high art when it makes my audience uncomfortable. I’ve listed below (in no particular order) some of the common “Alia” jokes or just things I find highly amusing. These are things that many of you have witnessed me do.

• I love when there’s an empty Einstein’s box sitting on a table in the Green Lounge. Starving law students approach it and they look so eager and excited at the prospect of free food. But, alas, the box is empty! I see the glee turn to disappointment. I always find myself laughing at them.
• I’m a terrible singer. Sometimes I’ll go to karaoke and sing. I then like to approach someone who doesn’t know me and ask them in my most eager voice, “how was I? I’ve been practicing.” People become very uncomfortable. This has taught me a valuable lesson however. The lesson is that most people will not give you their honest opinion when asked for it.
• Res ipsa. Nuff said.
• Sometimes, if the conversation seems to be getting dull, I try to figure out a way to work in “when I had THE CANCER.” Wow, this one really gets to people. They immediately become apologetic, asking me if I’m okay. Then, I think they feel a little bit guilty for being put off by me and my lack of self control. It’s glorious.
• I also just generally lack any internal censor. This one always keeps things lively. I’ve also found that most people have no idea when I’m being serious or when I’m joking. I’ll let you in a little secret. Very rarely do I lie. If you’re hearing an “Alia Story,” it’s all true. That being said, most people don’t know if they should laugh, be angry, or sympathize with me. This tends to cause confusion, discomfort, and awkward silences. I love it.

I never pull punches. I’ve given it a try here and there, but it makes me feel all icky inside. I know that many find this behavior not socially acceptable but I seem to do just fine. I laugh when people trip. I tease my children. In fact, I’ve been known to go to school assemblies and laugh at other people’s children. Now, I have encountered some folks who are equally mean spirited and they seem to be very sensitive. This is where I think I win. I laugh at myself when I fall down. When I get called out on a fashion faux pas, I own it. I actually appreciate criticism. I welcome it. This doesn’t mean I’ll change. I kind of like the way I am. I do wonder sometimes about my outbursts. I wonder if I developed this sense of humor because I lack any censor or if I don’t censor because of the sense of humor. Interesting question, at least to me anyway and that’s all that really matters, right?

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Well, yesterday on my train ride to school I saw something up close and in person that I had never seen before; two people carrying on a conversation in a language that had clicks.  You know, it was one of those African languages that kind of sounds like Klingon but totally isn’t.  Well, I sat and listened.  It was pretty cool to hear.  I think everyone on that car was listening to the click talkers.

The train was pretty crowded with a variety of different people from clearly different cultural backgrounds.  Now, I hate to stereotype (not really), but people follow predictable patterns.  The white folks on the train tried their hardest not to stare or act as if they even noticed the click click talk.  That’s what they do best.  They don’t want anyone to think they’re judgmental or, God forbid, racist!

But, black folks, my people, why oh why must you clown?  Sadly, the black folks on my car took this opportunity to laugh, point and mimic the click talk.  It was… well, it was something.  The click talkers looked slightly annoyed but chose to ignore the mockery and continue their conversation.  They got off the train at Sox 35th.  Maybe they were going to IIT; who knows.

I guess I was kind of sad.  No one really wants to be stereotyped, I thought.  But to behave in such a ridiculous manner in mixed company lends itself to judgment.  I mentioned this incident to someone and this person said that maybe those people on the train weren’t the ones who cared about stereotypes.  While that may be true, what about the people who do?

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I had to do it.  I made a trip to a Tokyo McDonalds.  I believed that the highlight of this visit would be my Ebi Filet-O (oddly tasty fried shrimp sandwich) but alas, it was not.  I loved that there were so many sleeping.  At first, I believed them to be mostly homeless.  However, I heard that any 24 hour restaurant is the place to go if you miss the last train home.  We should institute this policy in Chicago.  I’d love to nod with the wafting smell of those delicious fries.

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I’ll keep it short, but only for today.  So, after a little discussion and even less thinking, I think I’m gonna do this thing.  I always have a ton to say, so I figure I might as well just say it here.  Also, I can post all my fun photos.  Yay me!

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